Neuro Spicy Masters

We Are Made of Many Parts (And That’s a Good Thing)

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz that helps us understand something profound: we are not just one “self” but a whole internal team of parts.

If you’ve seen Inside Out, you already get the concept—different parts of us show up in different situations. But unlike the movie, our parts aren’t limited to just one emotion. Each part carries a full range of feelings, beliefs, and motivations.

Some common parts include:

🗂️ The Inner Child – wants to have fun and be loved

🌟 The Inner Teen – wants to be accepted and feel powerful

🗣️ The Good Student – wants to succeed and understand

🛡️ The Teammate – wants to be supportive and capable

🎢 The Good Friend – wants to be connected and having fun

All of these parts serve a purpose—but when they take on extreme roles, they can run the show in ways that leave us feeling stuck, anxious, or overwhelmed.

How Parts Take On Extreme Roles

Our parts develop their roles over time—sometimes in ways that help us, sometimes in ways that become burdensome.

🎢 The Exile – parts feeling normal human emotions that our system decided were unsafe to feel (could be sadness, shame, fear, etc.)

🗣️ The Critical Manager – the part that says if we were just perfect we wouldn’t have felt that exiled emotion in the first place, so we just have to be perfect from now on to prove we are worthy. (Could be hustle culture, or internal “don’t call in sick” pressures.)

🛡️ The Firefighter – the part that WHEN the exiled emotion comes back (because it’s a NORMAL human emotion that can’t be eliminated), they will do ANYTHING to not feel that emotion anymore, i.e. “they will destroy the house to put the fire out.” (Could be blaming others to get out of feeling sad, or turning to addictions like video games to get out of feeling stressed.)

Example:

A Critical Manager part might have developed to protect us from embarrassment or failure.

It might say things like:

🔊 “You’ll embarrass yourself—don’t even try.”

🔊 “That wasn’t good enough. Do better.”

🔊 “ It’s your own fault you ended up feeling that way. Just be perfect so we never have to feel that again.”

It’s not trying to hurt us—it’s trying to keep us safe by preventing failure, rejection, or discomfort.

🚨 The problem? When a part is burdened with a job it was never meant to carry, it over-functions. It takes over, steering our choices based on fear rather than wisdom.

All Parts Are Welcome (We’re Not Trying to Get Rid of Them)

IFS isn’t about eliminating or fighting our parts—it’s about helping them trust that we are leading well.

The key?

Reconnecting, rebuilding trust with our Captain Part—the steady, wise, balanced part of us that can lead the whole system.

The Captain Part: Our Inner Leader

Deep down, everyone has a Captain Part—the version of us that is:

✅ Calm – Not reactive, grounded in clarity.

✅ Curious – Open to learning instead of defensive.

✅ Compassionate – Kind to ourselves and others.

✅ Creative – Able to think flexibly and see new solutions.

✅ Connected – Feeling safe enough to be present.

This is the part connected to our prefrontal cortex (PFC)—the brain’s executive function center.

When we are in Captain mode, we make decisions from a place of wisdom, not fear.

The Captain doesn’t:

🚫 Panic

🚫 Overreact

🚫 Ignore emotions

Instead, it listens, assesses, and responds with steady leadership.

Building Trust with the Captain (Why Breathing Matters)

For many of us, our parts have been leading for so long that we’ve lost trust in our Captain.

⚓ Rebuilding that trust takes time. One of the simplest ways to do it? Breathing.

When we slow down and take deep breaths, we are:

• Signaling safety to our nervous system.

• Proving to our parts that we can hear them without being overwhelmed.

• Reinforcing that our Captain is in control—not panic, not fear, not self-doubt.

A good Captain doesn’t ignore the crew—it listens, reassures, and decides how to move forward.

Recognizing When We’re NOT in Captain Mode

🚩 Signs a distressed part is running the show instead of our Captain:

• Feeling overwhelmed, defensive, or panicked.

• Thinking in black-and-white extremes (“Everything is ruined!”).

• Trying to control everything or completely shutting down.

💡 What to do?

✅ Validate the part’s concern (not shame it).

✅ Use nervous system tools to bring the Captain back online.

Using Our Nervous System to Rebalance the Captain

The Captain Part is strongest when our nervous system is regulated.

🌀 Ways to help:

🫁 Deep belly breathing – Activates the vagus nerve, shifting us into calm.

👋 Bilateral tapping/movement – Engages both hemispheres of the brain for balance.

👀 Grounding exercises – Using the 5 senses to bring us into the present.

🗣️ Curious self-talk – “What is this part afraid of right now? What does it need?”

The goal isn’t to silence distressed parts—it’s to help them trust that we’ve got this.

All Parts Are Welcome—But They Don’t Get to Drive

IFS teaches us that every part has a voice, but not every part should have the steering wheel.

🚗 Think of it like driving a car:

👶 A scared child part shouldn’t be in the driver’s seat—but we also don’t lock them in the trunk.

🛡️ The Protector part can ride shotgun, but it doesn’t get to grab the wheel every time something feels risky.

Instead, we acknowledge their fear and say:

🗣️ “I hear you. I see why you’re worried. But the Captain is handling this.”

This balance allows us to honor our emotions without being ruled by them.

Connecting This to the Dark Forest Analogy

Each part of us has its own “dark forest”—the fears and wounds that drive its behavior.

• The Perfectionist fears failure.

• The Inner Critic fears rejection.

• The Protector fears vulnerability.

The Captain’s job? Not to dismiss those fears, but to equip us with the right tools to walk into the forest prepared.

The “So What” of All This?

✅ We use nervous system regulation tools to bring balance.

✅ We strengthen the Captain through awareness and self-trust.

✅ We learn to lead our inner team with wisdom, not force.

Key Takeaways

✨ IFS helps us understand our many internal parts.

✨ Parts take on extreme roles when they feel unprotected—but they’re not bad.

✨ The Captain Part is our inner leader—it keeps us calm, curious, and compassionate.

✨ When we aren’t in Captain mode, we use nervous system tools to regain balance.

✨ All parts are welcome, but they don’t get to take over.

By learning to listen to our parts, regulate our nervous system, and strengthen our inner leadership, we can move through life with greater clarity, confidence, and connection.