Education and Tangible Resources:
Dive Into Insights and Tips

Validation and Accountability Can Coexist

Understanding someone’s emotions doesn’t mean endorsing all their actions.

• We can validate feelings while maintaining boundaries.

  • Example shifts in language:

    • “Yes, you have a right to be angry. No, it’s not okay to punch them.”

    • “Yes, this is hard. You can also handle it.”

• Validation = acknowledging emotions

• Boundaries = shaping actions

It’s Not About Blaming the Past—It’s About Understanding the Present

Acknowledging unmet needs doesn’t mean demonizing the people around us

• Example:

  • “It’s true your caregivers may not have supported you in the way you needed.”

    • “That doesn’t mean they were bad people.”

      • “But it does mean we need to understand what we needed, and why we couldn’t access it.”

        • “How can we create space for that now—without blaming, but also without denying?”

Growth Requires Both Reflection and Action

Just because you haven’t done something before doesn’t mean you can’t start now.

• Perfection isn’t required. Effort is.

• Reframing expectations:

  • No, you won’t do this perfectly.

    • Yes, you should still try.

The Garden Analogy: Setting Up for Growth

Instead of blaming a plant for not thriving, look at the soil, the light, the conditions.

• Are we creating an environment that supports healthy growth?

  • Or are we expecting things to flourish in conditions that aren’t actually working?

Emotional resilience grows best in supportive, understanding spaces.

Gratitude vs. Guilt: The “They Should Be Grateful” Mindset

Saying “They have no reason to struggle; they should be grateful” invalidates the experience without understanding the need.

• Gratitude is not a substitute for emotional processing.

  • When we dismiss pain in favor of “you should just be grateful”, we often create guilt and shame instead.

People Are Doing the Best They Can—Including You

Most people are not doing the best they WANT to do—they’re doing the best they can in the moment.

• This applies to:

  • Yourself

  • Your children

  • Your parents

  • Your partners

  • The people who may have failed you in some ways.

Understanding that doesn’t erase responsibility—it helps us move forward.

Key Takeaways

• Validation and boundaries are not opposites—they work together.

• Understanding the past is about clarity, not blame.

• We create the conditions for growth—we don’t just expect it to happen.

• Guilt and shame don’t lead to healing—understanding and action do.

• People are doing their best with what they know—ourselves included.